Dog Haiku
I love my master
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.
I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be
Today I sniffed
Many dog behinds-I celebrate
By kissing your face.
I sound the alarm!
Paper boy-come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Garbage man-come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot--
Sniff this and weep
How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.
My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle
I Hate my choke chain
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack!
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!
Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot -- no greater bliss -- well,
Maybe catching rats
Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much as I do
The cat is not all
Bad -- she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls
Dig under fence -- why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.
I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.
My owners' mood is
Romantic-I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.
